| Author | Message | ||
| wyldthang
New member Username: wyldthang Post Number: 14 Registered: 02-2006 |
Choose a tree that’s leaning, shelved by fungus. Notch and wedge, hear the squeak and crack. Snap heartwood, give the tree to gravity. Feel the thud in your gut, ten tons felled by your hand. Hew limbs from trunk, follow branch-rings marking years. Wrestle your steel-snaked choker cable round, slide the log on home. Cut to stove-sized pieces. Look for cracks where the tree might be willing to open up. Swing hearty and committed--wood won’t part for the weak-willed. Pause to admire the grain, receive tree’s strength as you work along knots. Know this tree danced many storms, sung many winds. Stack each piece of tree, thankful. Build a solid chord of life: earth, wind, rain, storm, sweat, breath, fire. (Message edited by wyldthang on February 06, 2006) | ||
| jennifer vanburen
Member Username: annaswirls Post Number: 63 Registered: 10-2005 |
oh I love this. excellent phrasing with clever wordplay- cord chord is my favorite. I will be back for this one soon. you use poetic devices very naturally, so they do not stand out and yell "Hey look, I am a poetic device!!!" "wood won't part for the weak willed" This poem is very rich, could be used in class-- I can see the assignment- find a metaphor, alliteration, personification, onimonipea, homonyms, etc.  layered like the rings enjoyed! Jennifer www.mannequinenvy.com | ||
| Zephyr
Senior Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 3814 Registered: 07-2003 |
Hi wyldthang A rich poem that flows well, carries the reader along.. I do have one small suggestion for cracks where the tree might be willing to open up. Swing hearty and committed--wood won’t part for the weak-willed. Pause.... here I would eliminate and committed eg... for cracks where the tree might be willing to open up. Swing hearty - wood won’t part for the weak-willed. Pause my thinking was a hearty swing is committed and it was labouring the point a bit to use both. | ||
| SplinterGroup
Advanced Member Username: splinter Post Number: 1013 Registered: 11-2003 |
Well done and very descriptive. You seem to have a tight hold on describing the process. Reminds me of the time I lived in Pontchatula in the Feliciana parishes in Louisiana. My Dad and Uncle felled many an old pine for firewood as i watched and helped as I could. Thanks. Addotto | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 2730 Registered: 08-2003 |
Wyld excellent work here. I like the way you break on the verbs. Very effective. Consider for cracks where the tree might be willing to open up. Swing hearty and committed--wood won’t part for the weak-willed. Pause breaking on "willing". The jagged line bumps me out of the flow. The stocatto voice is great and matches the action of the poem. E | ||
| Lazarus
Advanced Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 1078 Registered: 10-2005 |
One from Z and one from E (and one from me): for cracks where the tree might yeild, swing hearty --wood won’t part for the weak-willed. Pause This correction continues the breaks on verbs. I like this poem very much. However I am not too fond of the ending. A list where there was so much action is a let down. I'd like to feel the blaze of the fire there somewhere. (Message edited by lazarus on February 07, 2006) And the earth, bristling and raw, tiny and lost resumes its search; rushing through the vast astonishment- Ted Hughes, from His Legs Ran About. | ||
| Andrew Dufresne
New member Username: beachdreamer Post Number: 45 Registered: 01-2006 |
Excellent work! ad | ||
| Barbara St. Aubrey
New member Username: elyse Post Number: 39 Registered: 01-2006 |
Wow I could feel it all coming back - yep, during my teens I was the wood chopper - the words - 'Snap' 'thud in your gut' 'stack each piece of tree' 'a solid chord of life' hmmm or is it a solid cord of life - play on words here - however those are the words that shot through my body memory... thanks - great read. | ||
| wyldthang
New member Username: wyldthang Post Number: 26 Registered: 02-2006 |
Hi! Thanks for all your comments!! I will take your advice and work on the revision. I was toying with sending this to Mother Earth News--I've seen occasional poetry there;0) I think I "stopped" at the cord, we do this in summer and we have a while to sit in the shade and admire our 6-cord block of wood before we actually have to start burning it. I also have found out that California real estate investors are VERY afraid of women chopping wood ;0) Glad it brought up memories. :0) | ||
| Lazarus
Advanced Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 1091 Registered: 10-2005 |
Wyld, that makes a lot of sense to stop at chord/chord because it is summer. Others don't seem to dislike your ending. It just doesn't leave me with a final thought to go along with all that you've put into it. And the earth, bristling and raw, tiny and lost resumes its search; rushing through the vast astonishment- Ted Hughes, from His Legs Ran About. | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6585 Registered: 11-1998 |
This was a very accomplished piece, wyld. You carried your extended metaphor solidly throughout the whole. The choosing of a tree, for me, was a great comparison to how we might choose a person to work with and derive benefits from. The only thing that stopped me in the read for a moment was the word "chord." I realize others liked it and I did understand what word play you were shooting for. However, I do wonder if it works as well as you want it to. Chord brings to mind music, of course, which does deviate from your chosen theme. I'm wondering if cord might be the better choice. The use of "chord" might make a reader think you didn't know the difference between cord and chord. Just me rambling along, giving you my thoughts. I could be wrong, so take the thoughts with a grain of salt. |
